Why It's Time to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life
Same goes for dealing with toxic people. I'm 22 and I find myself saying this on a regular basis. I have no place for drama in my life. Some people literally drag drama around with them wherever they go. I personally want no part of it.
I'm at that age, where I'm trying to figure out my own shit. Why be bogged down by other people who are clearly bad influences on your life? I'll be starting a career soon, I'll be meeting new people, having new experiences. Yes, it's great to keep old friends and relish in your old memories but is it worth it if they're clearly a negative influence on your life? I'm not saying change your phone number, or address, or anything that drastic. But stop putting energy into people who don't give a shit about you or don't put in the same effort as you! You do not deserve that.
Friendships (and relationships) aren't one sided. They only work if both parties are putting in the effort. Yes, life can get busy and sometimes we just aren't as good as we can be with keeping in touch. But, if you keep hitting up that friend and get no response, seriously stop wasting your time. Same goes towards toxic people. Raise your hand if you've been out with someone who you thought was a friend and all they did was talk about stuff you didn't understand or they were on their phone texting the whole time? Yeah, I've been there. I'm here to tell you: That's rude. Don't be that person, and don't put up with that either!
People are really good at manipulating others, and they do it very inconspicuously. I've seen it, fallen victim to it, witnessed it, and have tried to intervene. It's hard to identify it when you're the one being manipulated. So be open to listening to that friend or family member who is concerned. Ultimately it's up to you if you want to address that toxic person. If you need time, then take the time but just know, you deserve better.
I feel like we all try to "fit in" and often times that comes at the expense of our own self comfort. We may participate in something that we usually wouldn't, just so that we can come off as being "social". I know that I've found myself doing that in the past (and still struggle with it today). It's great to try new things! The problem arises when we aren't comfortable, but we want to hang out with our new found friend and make a good impression. I've found that I make the most genuine friendships when I'm pursuing something that I love. This has presented itself in the form of traveling most recently. You'll find friends who you want to hang out with, who you connect with, and who love to do similar things that you do. Be open to new adventures, but be wary of getting sucked into a friendship or relationship that isn't healthy.
It's time to cut out toxic people in your life. For good? It's up to you. For a short time? Definitely. Call it a trial run. You may be surprised on how it affects you.
The other part of this post is about forgiving those that have wronged you, and letting go of the situations that are out of your control. As I have navigated college, I have found myself in many situations that have been less than ideal. In fact, I have lost a few friends who I thought I would stay friends with for the rest of my life. I've had to learn (the hard way), sometimes all you can do is forgive and then move on. These people have had profound impacts on my life, and while I am no longer in contact with them, I wish them the absolute best. Most of the time, we are blinded by the situation and take measures to the extreme. With hindsight, we may realize that we were a little harsh or may realize that the person we were so close with was a toxic influence.
In every situation, fault can always be attributed to both parties for one reason or the other. It rarely is ever one persons complete fault. Therefore, it is important to own up to our mistakes and be willing to forgive others. Just because we forgive someone, doesn't mean that we have to forget what they did. Just because we forgive someone, doesn't mean we have to let them back into our lives. But it is important to forgive and move on. For the sake of our sanity, this is vital. Holding grudges can be extremely taxing (I would know) and is not healthy or necessary.
I hope I've given you some food for thought, especially heading into the new year. I know what is going on my new years resolution list.
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