Forgiveness

In order to complete my degree requirements for a focus area in human behavior, I have to take one more psychology class. I am currently taking that class, and it is called Forgiveness and Reconciliation.

I really wasn't looking forward to taking this class. It was either this class or human growth and development. I chose forgiveness. Now if you know anythinggg about me, forgiveness is something that I've always struggled with. Yeah--not exactly setting myself up for success here.... I've always had a strong sense of justice, and that people deserve what is coming for them.

I am currently one week into this class, and I've already learned so much. Now, that is not enough time to change my long held beliefs on forgiveness and reconciliation, but..... it's allowed me freedom to think and question the topic. 

My textbook's authors approach forgiveness as a virtue. Something similar to justice, or kindness. It has to be worked on (constantly) and it's almost never easy. 

I've always had questions about the validity of forgiveness: How can we forgive someone for doing something so terrible? If we forgive them, isn't that basically giving them a free pass to commit it again? Why and how could someone do something so mean? What did I do to deserve this? Why do they deserve my forgiveness? 

There's not an easy answer to any of these. Sure, there are spiritual/religious answers, but from a moral stand point? That's why it's always been hard for me to grasp. This semester, my professor has tasked us to read an independent book. The book that I chose was The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness by Simon Wiesenthal. I'm almost done reading this book, and it has really spoken to me in terms of my understanding of forgiveness. The author (Wiesenthal) was a Jew during WW2. More specifically, he was bounced from concentration camp to concentration camp during the war. He had grown up in Poland, and had always felt that the Poles had treated the Jews like second class citizens. When the SS invaded Poland, it wasn't a surprise that the Jews were rounded up. What was the surprise was the atrocities that the Jews would end up facing throughout the war. Wiesenthal found himself being marched by the SS soldiers through areas of town he used to walk freely, and saw neighbors that he had grown up with, passively looking on. 

So where does forgiveness come into play in this book you ask? Well, one day Wiesenthal was approached by a nurse who asked him to follow her. She led him to a dying man's bed. He happened to be a SS soldier. The man (who had death knocking on his door) shared a story with Wiesenthal that he was ashamed of. He told him that he had participated in an event that killed over 300 Jews. He helped round up the Jews, shuffled them into a small 3 story house. The SS had the Jewish men carry gas cans, and when all of the prisoners were stuffed into the house, grenades were chucked through the windows. The SS soldiers were ordered to shoot anyone who tried to escape. The dying SS soldier (named Karl) told Wiesenthal of the young couple holding a baby who decided to jump out the window and be shot than to be engulfed by the flames. 

After Karl shared his story, he was looking to Wiesenthal for forgiveness. Wiesenthal did not know what to make of the story that he had heard and in response, he said nothing and got up and left. Karl died that night, and Wiesenthal never got another opportunity to speak to the man. Now the question that the book poses is: What would you do? Would you forgive the dying man? Would you have done the same thing as Wiesenthal and said nothing? 

Is it possible to forgive those that have participated in such atrocities? Was it right that Karl even ask for forgiveness from Wiesenthal, when he was not even the one that he hurt? Was it right of Wiesenthal to not offer some kind of answer, even if he had said he did not forgive Karl? 

One of the things that I pulled away from this book, was that there is no right or wrong answer. The second half of this book are all responses to Wiesenthal's question. The people answering range a great deal, some are theologians, some are religious, some were prisoners and victims themselves. They all had different answers. They all derived their answers from their own experiences and opinions.

What I will say, it is INCREDIBLE that people like Wiesenthal who endured such torture and loss of dignity are able to even CONSIDER forgiveness. Can kindness and compassion outweigh revenge and anger? I believe it can. Should these events and stories be forgotten? Absolutely not. I think that some people have a misconception that forgiveness is associated with forgetting. It's not. We should never forget what has been committed upon us. We should use these moments as reminders of what happened, and hopefully we will be able to use that to never let it happen again.

I hope that throughout the semester, I will continue to learn more about forgiveness and reconciliation. I want to tap into the strength that so many people have had when they've chosen kindness and compassion over anger and hate.