The Quest for True Belonging

I recently read a book called Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown. In her book, she addressed: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. This book fell into my lap, and I'm so glad that I stumbled up this! I read a lot, but I normally read fiction books. While I do enjoy some motivational/inspirational books, this is one I normally wouldn't have picked up. However, this book did not disappoint and raised a lot of valid questions for today's society and our place in it. I love the way that she writes, and just ordered two more of her books on amazon.

I want to share some quotes from the book that really stood out and spoke to me:

"Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance."

This is so important. In order to figure out where you belong (whether that be friend groups, relationships, etc), you have to be comfortable with yourself. Everything stems from being comfortable in your own skin, and knowing who you are. No one is perfect, and we really shouldn't try to be. It's important that we find people who accept us for who we are in our entirety (non-censored selves).


"Belonging to ourselves means being called to stand alone--to brave the wilderness of uncertainty, vulnerability, and criticism."

I love how Brown uses the wilderness as an analogy to life and the struggles in it. Yes, we can surround ourselves with people, but ultimately we have a lot of things to do that we have to brave ourselves. We can't have people fighting our battles for us. In order to belong fully to ourselves, we must tackle a lot of this alone; only then can we allow others in.


"True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are"

Don't change yourself to make other people like you. The people you should be surrounding yourself, wouldn't want to change who you are, they want you to embrace you for you. Don't try to fit yourself into a box, just allow yourself to be you.

"Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don't belong. You will always find it because you've made that your mission. Stop scouring people's faces for evidence that you're not enough. You will always find it because you've made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don't negotiate their value with the world."

It's easy to look at the negative. It's easy to say that we are outsiders looking in. If you say it enough, you will always believe that. You belong here. Start believing it. Start practicing it. Stop looking for reasons why you don't.

"I'll leave you with this. There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we'll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, "Don't do it. You don't have what it takes to survive the wilderness." This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, 'I am the wilderness'."

This book had many discussions that provided food for thought. I feel like I'm always talking about this sense of urgency to "find myself" or figure out my path in life. Sometimes I feel like I'm running around in circles with my head cut off. Other times, I feel like I have it figured out. This book talks about finding true belonging in ourselves before we can even consider belonging with other people. We have to address our flaws, imperfections, our personalities, and quirks. Sure, you can try and fit in, but why not belong fully and not apologize? Why do we feel such an obligation to fit in, and why do we base our self worth off of what others think of us? The quest for true belonging begins with examining ourselves. We have to be willing to take on the wilderness, and ultimately, we will discover that we are apart of the wilderness.