Poem 3/23/18

Expectations

Bang, bang.

I'm reacting to the situation

I'm making rash decisions

Inside, my head is spinning

Trying to recognize the thoughts being

filtered through my subconscious.

Tick, tick.

A shiver runs down my spine

Creating an uncomfortable sensation

I'm starting to remember the things I've left behind

Am I making the wrong decision?

Would anyone bother to tell me if I was?

Click, click.

Sweat drips down my forehead

I'm trying my best to focus on the task at hand.

There's so much pressure

Everyone is counting on me to finish it off

But, the naysayers are lining up.

Pop, pop.

What if I don't live up to the expectations?

I feel like I've been "trained my whole life"

Clearly--if I fail, I didn't care enough

I've been told that so many times

I think I'm starting to believe it.

Tweet, Tweet.

I'm clearly not good enough--I don't care, right?

But how can I focus on what I need to do

With all these thoughts in my head?

They're not even mine.

If I could just get some space--give me time.

Knock, knock.

They say I'm supposed to be ready

But is there ever really a perfect time?

I'm going to give it my best effort

But this is the last time.

I am putting my foot down.