Adoption

I am currently procrastinating on my Capstone project... so I thought it would be a great time to write up another blog post.

So for those of you that know me, you know that I am adopted. I'm South Korean, and my parents are clearly white. Unlike the movies, my adoption story is pretty tame. I feel like the media has kind of portrayed adoption in an unrealistic light, in order to get viewers. Now, I didn't go through the foster care system in the US, so I can't speak for that. But this blog post is more about my experience, and how it is a part of my identity today.

I was adopted from South Korea when I was four months old. I'm from a little city right outside of Seoul (the capital of South Korea). My case worker, Marsha came over to get me from South Korea and I was greeted by my family at the airport in Phoenix, AZ. I have two siblings, one older brother Matthew, and one younger sister Samantha. All three of us are adopted from South Korea. All of us were brought over to the US when we were around four months old. We are from different parts of South Korea, and are not blood related. Yes, we look alike, but that is just because we are from the same country. Since I've always known I was adopted, it never really dawned on me that people would assume that we were blood related. It's one of those questions that I get asked on a regular basis. I don't think people realize that when I say we were all adopted when we were four months old, that would indicate we weren't from the same family. But anyways, not a big deal. Our family actually got to go back to South Korea when I was in high school, and that was a great experience. I loved South Korea, but I'm not going to lie, it was a bit weird trying to imagine my life if I had not been adopted.

So obviously I'm not one of those adoption stories where I didn't know I was adopted, where I'm shocked and hurt by my parents for not telling me. My siblings and I have always known. My parents have also always embraced adoption and made sure that we understood it. My parents couldn't have children of their own, so they turned towards adoption. One of my favorite stories that my mom tells is that she always knew that she wanted 3 children. She credits it to God for giving her exactly three children. That always warms my heart, and I usually give her loving shit for it because she always tears up. My mom loves to think that she is actually a little Asian lady on the inside. To give her credit though, she did take Korean language classes when we were younger. She tried to make it a habit to have us learn some of the basic words of our original language. I've got to give her credit, she tried really hard. I think I remember how to say hello and goodbye (yikes). I've never been much of a language person, so that's probably my fault. When people ask me if I speak Korean, I usually am like oh I wish. To be honest though, English is a HARD language to learn if it isn't your first language.

My mom used to come into our classes in school and do little presentations on the Korean Culture. Everyone loved those presentations, and my mom would bring in Korean goodies that really helped to sell it. I loved having her do those presentations, because I felt like other people in my class would learn more about adoption and different cultures.

My parents have always told all three of us, that if we ever wanted to look for our birth parents then they would help us do that. To be honest, I've never really had the desire to do that. I'm a firm believer that blood doesn't make family, love does. My mom is my mom, and my dad is my dad. Probably the worst thing I could ever say to my parents would be you're not my real parents. I'm not going to lie, I think I've said that at least once or twice ever. I really never said that, because it's terrible and I never really believed that. Do I sometimes wonder what my birth mom looked like? Yeah, sure. But honestly, the concept of looking like my parents has never really been important to me. I had a closed adoption, meaning that I don't have information on my birth mom or birth dad. I also don't know any medical history, and I don't know anything about my birth really. I don't know what time I was born at, I don't know how much I weighed, or how long I was. There are some days that I want to know, especially if other people are talking about it. I just can't relate because I don't know. To be honest, it would be weird if I tracked down my birth parents. First of all, there would be a language and cultural barrier. That's if I ever found them. I also don't really know what I'd do if I did find them. There's a good reason that I was put up for adoption, and I honestly have no connection to my birth parents. To me, it would be pointless and I have absolutely no desire to pursue that. But I love that my parents are so supportive. Maybe one or both of my siblings will decide to look for their birth parents, I don't know.

As I've gotten older, I've definitely started to notice some things that I feel like I was sheltered from before. In restaurants, I always get asked if my mom and I want separate checks. I have to remind myself that I don't look like my mom, and that the waiter doesn't know that she's my mom. Mad props for my mom, when she would take all three of us to eat, I bet those waiters were like why does she have three little Asian babies, and she's white. They were probably wondering if she stole us or something. I've definitely been asked before if a random Asian couple on the golf course are my parents. That was actually pretty funny because the girl asked me if my parents were watching and I was REALLY confused because my parents weren't able to come watch that day. I was like OMG where??? Did they surprise me??? And when I only saw Asian people I was like oh those are random Asian people, my parents are white. (hahahha that was actually really funny, but the girl was mortified). At camp I told one of our friends that my parents were white and he thought I was joking and he said his parents were black. I was like oh that's so awesome!! Then I realized that he was joking and I was like no, really here's a picture!

I actually love getting asked about adoption. I think it's a beautiful thing, and I want to adopt when I have kids. There are so many kids in the world who just want to belong to a family, and be shown love. So many kids in the US have had tough upbringings, and have been in and out of the foster care system. These kids deserve a chance, and I hope that one day when I'm ready to have kids that I can provide that for them like my parents did for me. One event that stands out to me was when my brother and I were skiing up in Pinetop. We were on a ski lift, and adoption came us with this couple we were riding up with. We were probably only 12 or 13 at the time. The couple had adopted a young child, and asked our opinion on whether or not they should tell their child they were adopted. My brother and I both agreed that they should, and that they should actively try to plan activities that embraced adoption. Adoption is not something to be ashamed of. You see if these TV shows and movies, that kids are finding out when they're 16 or 17 that they're adopted, and oh gosh their life is over. They don't know who they are, they're mad at their families for lying to them. I don't get why you wouldn't tell your child that they were adopted? Adoption is BEAUITFUL. You're being given another chance at life, by a family that LOVES you unconditionally. Okay, yeah you probably came from less than ideal circumstances, but the focus should be that your family loves you. Yeah maybe your birth mom is a crack addict, or maybe she was 15 when she had you. To me, it personally doesn't matter. I don't know my birth mom or dad, I don't know the circumstances. But I'm happy that I was put up for adoption, and given the opportunity to have a better life.

I love my family so much. There isn't anything I would change. I'm proud to be adopted.

I'll end with this quote that I love: Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile & who love you no matter what.